How Are You?

Honking geese, construction, and the alarm tone "morning flower" wake me just before 8:30 each morning. I thrust my limbs from beneath all four covers and slowly sink to my feet. My toes tickle across the blue-green carpet as I make my way to the Keurig. Coffee brews in the background as I journal a morning prayer and lather mascara onto my lashes. I throw an outfit together and walk out the door, tired-eyed with a joyful spirit. My door slams behind me and within a few minutes, I inevitably slam into someone else. The question "how are you?" shoots out of my mouth like a bird in a cuckoo clock at 12 pm on nap day. "How are you?" is easy, courteous and mindless, and I say it more times a day than I can count. However, I hardly ever really ask, "how are you?" and expect more than "good" or "fine" in return. Society anticipates such simple responses to this philosophical question, but I should not. I know life is more than an elementary check yes or no letter. Life is complex, rather beautiful and often times scary. It's about time we begin to challenge social norms and acknowledge that people are not always just dandy.

I'm not saying every "how are you?" should lead to a 45-minute conversation about the state of someone's soul (though that would be rad). Rather, I'm saying if we are going to inquire about someone's well-being we should do so without haste; people should feel safe to answer us honestly and vulnerably. When people are doing well, great! But we also need to be reminded that it's fine to not be perfectly okay. "How are you?" may suit your quick interaction with a cashier at Target or your coworker who is clearly in a rush. However, when it comes to the neighbor you encounter every single morning or the classmate who has been sitting next to you for nearly three months, "how are you?" hardly suffices. If we want to begin showing the caring nature of Jesus, we have to do a little bit more than what everyone else in the world already does.

I believe in loving people to Jesus, and I believe loving people includes sharing in their load. So here are a few ways I have been working on establishing deeper connections with the folks I encounter regularly. Hopefully, these tips allow you to build strong relationships through sincere conversations with the people Jesus has strategically placed around you.

1. Keep Going!
After asking "how are you?", keep going! Ask about the well-being of their friends and family or pets. Ask if they have meal plans for the day and if not invite them to join you!

2. Open Up!
Opening up to someone can be scary, no matter how long you've known them. It may take you opening up about not being so "great" first in order for your acquaintance/friend to return the favor. Complaining about life is probably not the best approach, but expressing that life isn't perfect is totally fine!

3. Chill Out!
Tell a joke. Share your favorite verse. Relate. Write a quick card of encouragement or bake some cookies for your daily encounter if you know they're having a rough week...or just because! Making friends does not have to be hard, but remember investing in a person takes time and effort.

Most importantly, keep in mind that people are not projects. Our job is not necessarily to fix someone's bad day or sour attitude. Instead, it is our job to look beyond the cliche answers to "how are you?", care deeply, and love regardless of whether or not we are ever able to go beyond the simple or open up enough to be able to chill out. Jesus said, "come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28) May we point the hurting to Him. Best of luck loving your neighbors in this way! Grace & peace.