To live as love.

Every life is a story worthy of being told. Should a wildflower speak, I would sit for hours and listen to her tales. Imagine the stories of hardship and survival she would whisper, all the while standing tall and beautiful against the winds because her roots are in the Creator. Ergo, if the story of a single wildflower conveys a message of such strength and hope to all who care to listen, how deep and powerful are the stories of mankind? The Lord did not create us to sit in painful silence and journey through this life alone; we are created to share our stories as Christ sees us - through a lense of light and love.

Love is a word that shows up quite frequently when I share my story because I constantly grapple with love as a concept. For me, every day is a conscious fight to choose love over bitterness and cynicism; and some days, I lose that battle. Today started out as one of those losing days.

A fine line exists in many situations between exhibiting love and forgiveness and allowing myself to be walked all over like a doormat. Due to past experiences of misplaced trust, and my forgiveness-based Christian faith, I find it difficult to know where to draw the said line. I often think to myself, if God's grace for me is unlimited, who am I to decide my grace for someone else has run out? At the same time, I think, who are these people to hurt me when I have done nothing but love them? Then I shift the blame back to myself once more and ask, What did I do wrong? Was I too much? Not enough? These questions are both valid and mine to ask, but they are Christ's alone to answer.

God is love, and love is patient and kind, humble and selfless. Love forgives and love persists. Love, however, does not encourage harm.

Christ laid himself down for me, and I walked all over Him. My sins slay Him and yet He persisted. He got up, declared me forgiven by grace and deemed me worthy of perfect love. Then, He asked me to follow His example. Now I choose every day whether or not I will say yes. Whether I say yes and choose love, or check no and become jaded to love influences the story of Christ people see in me.

Still, I question what I am supposed to do when the person I aim to love through forgiveness does not see how they wronged me, does not want to be forgiven, or is emotionally or physically dangerous for me to approach. (Damn, that makes this whole 7 times 70 thing hard, right?) In such situations, I am learning that forgiveness from a distance can be a beautiful way to extend love. Prayer is powerful, and Christ can change hearts and bring redemption to brokenness where we cannot. Pain that comes from imperfect love can leave us feeling broken and confused, but Christ does not see us as broken nor bewildered. Thanks to grace, when Christ looks upon me He sees me as enough; never unworthy of love, never too much to handle, and always just enough. Let the truth ring, we are enough in Christ!

Despite what I have experienced of flawed love in this world, I can trust in God's perfect love. I fight to keep my heart and mind open to being loved and loving others and even more importantly, God loves me so I can learn to love others. I hope that when others sit and listen to the story of my wildflower life, quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow, they recognize and encounter one overarching theme: love. I want nothing more than to see the gospel take root in the lives of people who hurt me deeply - and the lives of people I have hurt.

I do not want to fear pain or anticipate hurt, nor do I want to pretend I cannot feel the pain and hurt associated with love and loss. There is nothing wrong with emotion. I simply want to choose love anyway, in spite of the risk and despite the cost. Every day, I want to live as love in the flesh so the story of my life reflects the light of Christ.

My calling to be love and light exists at my core. Love fuels who I am and reminds me of my true identity. How much God loves me is not reflected in my actions; He loves me unconditionally. However, the love I extend to others reflects the love I have for Christ. When I fail, He is still good and I am loved immeasurably. My life is a testament to God's love and mercy and because of His goodness, I am unashamed to share my tale.